変革

English translation: revolutionize/reshape

GLOSSARY ENTRY (DERIVED FROM QUESTION BELOW)
Japanese term or phrase:変革
English translation:revolutionize/reshape
Entered by: Jean-Christophe Helary

03:40 Jun 17, 2008
Japanese to English translations [PRO]
Bus/Financial - Computers (general)
Japanese term or phrase: 変革
Hi, this is my first post here and i really enjoy surfing these forums.

I'm currently studying a Japanese > English translation course from Japan. I wouldn't really call it a course as such but more 添削. I just received a critique of my translation back from the company although there is one part in there that I'm not sure I agree with.

Source text
ASP(アプリケーション・サービス・プロバイダー)はeビジネスのような新しい概念ではないが、日本の従来型ビジネスプロセスだけではなく、eビジネスの提供方法も変革していくだろう。

My translation
ASPs (Application Service Providers) are not a new concept like e-Business; however they are not only likely to revolutionize traditional business models in Japan, but also the ways that e-Business is provided.

Checker Translation
ASPs (Application Service Providers) are not a new concept like e-Business; however they are not only likely to innovate traditional business models in Japan, but also the ways that e-Business is provided.

The only difference was the word 'Innovate'. Please also see comments from the checker:
この「変革」は、直訳するだけでは内容が伝わりません。この「変革」は「革新する」や「新生面を開く」という意味です。言葉が持つ表面上の意味だけでなく、内容面にも目を向けるようにしましょう。

I understand the importance of avoiding 直訳 although to me the word 変革 translated as 'innovate' in this context isn't natural. A search of google doesn't return many examples of innovate used as a verb (innovation very common), whereas revolutionize returns many.

I'm interested in hearing some feedback and your thoughts.

Many thanks

Mark
makenaiboy (X)
revolutionize/reshape
Explanation:
I think the checker mixed the meaning of "revolutionize" for something not as positive as "innovate".

The problem with "innovate" is that it is a very positive statement about a process whose outcome is only guaranteed to fundamentally change the state of affairs.

You can also consider "reshape", "transform".

Caveat: I am not a native speaker of English.

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Note added at 1 hr (2008-06-17 05:29:33 GMT)
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Besides, I think talking about "表面" and "内面" in a business buzzword filled text is a little over the top.

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Note added at 5 hrs (2008-06-17 09:26:54 GMT)
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Stop paying for being checked and stop taking trials.

Start taking real jobs, do that for the "fun" first (while respecting deadlines etc) and then, when you start being confident _not_ on your linguistic ability but on your ability to make enough income to sustain yourself then start being pickiy with the rates and select the jobs that are the less painfull. That may take some time though ! :)

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Note added at 1 day22 hrs (2008-06-19 01:59:14 GMT) Post-grading
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You need good dictionaries. The "reshape" suggestion was taken from the ビジネス技術実用英語大辞典.

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Note added at 2 days29 mins (2008-06-19 04:10:28 GMT) Post-grading
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Anything that is available in the EPWING format. You can save the files on your computer and search them with a dedicated dictionary soft that accepts multiple dictionaries. Kotonoko on OSX is what I use.
Selected response from:

Jean-Christophe Helary
Japan
Local time: 20:01
Grading comment
Thanks for comments
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer



Summary of answers provided
4 +1revolutionize/reshape
Jean-Christophe Helary
3 +1bring innovations to
Duncan Adam
4revolutionarily change
yumom
3to reform
peter arnout


Discussion entries: 9





  

Answers


2 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +1
bring innovations to


Explanation:
I think the other answers above are good too.
On the checker's use of 'innovate' here I would say it is simply wrong - 'innovate' is an intransitive verb and cannot be used like this. (If I saw this in a translation, I would guess that the translator was not a native speaker of English.) So I would prefer your original translation to the 'corrected' one - but I suppose they have to justify the fee they are charging you somehow!

Duncan Adam
United Kingdom
Local time: 11:01
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
Notes to answerer
Asker: そうですね。考えてみると、Revolutionizeはちょっと強すぎるかもしれません。 Revolutionizeにしたのは「変革をもたらす」= Revolutionize... somthing だからです。例:電気器具の普及は家事に大変革をもたらした。 The wide use of electrical appliances has revolutionized housework.


Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Mika Jarmusz: 添削の方の英語の用法がずれていたようですね。原文の「変革」のニュアンスとして、revolutionalizeはちょっと強すぎる感じがする、そこに違和感があったのではないでしょうか。
12 hrs
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8 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5
to reform


Explanation:
just a guess

peter arnout
Belgium
Local time: 12:01
Works in field
Native speaker of: Dutch
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26 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
revolutionarily change


Explanation:
I think "変革" means here "革命的(革新的)な変化(変遷)", that is, a kind of coined word here.

So, the sentence of interest can be translated into, for example, "they would revolutionarily (innovatively) change not only xxx but also ....".

What do you think?

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 20 hrs (2008-06-18 00:03:49 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

日本語に合わせた英語です。
英語らしく、となると、
... they would have not only xxx but also ... undergone innovations.
などはどうでしょう?日本語は主語・述語の関係が曖昧なので、著者の趣旨がわかりにくく、翻訳しにくいですね。

yumom
Local time: 20:01
Native speaker of: Native in JapaneseJapanese

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
neutral  mstkwasa: Does the word "revolutionarily" exist?
13 hrs

neutral  Mika Jarmusz: 存在はするようですね。いい英語かどうかについては、ちょっとわかりませんが。
15 hrs
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1 hr   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +1
revolutionize/reshape


Explanation:
I think the checker mixed the meaning of "revolutionize" for something not as positive as "innovate".

The problem with "innovate" is that it is a very positive statement about a process whose outcome is only guaranteed to fundamentally change the state of affairs.

You can also consider "reshape", "transform".

Caveat: I am not a native speaker of English.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 1 hr (2008-06-17 05:29:33 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Besides, I think talking about "表面" and "内面" in a business buzzword filled text is a little over the top.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 5 hrs (2008-06-17 09:26:54 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Stop paying for being checked and stop taking trials.

Start taking real jobs, do that for the "fun" first (while respecting deadlines etc) and then, when you start being confident _not_ on your linguistic ability but on your ability to make enough income to sustain yourself then start being pickiy with the rates and select the jobs that are the less painfull. That may take some time though ! :)

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 1 day22 hrs (2008-06-19 01:59:14 GMT) Post-grading
--------------------------------------------------

You need good dictionaries. The "reshape" suggestion was taken from the ビジネス技術実用英語大辞典.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 2 days29 mins (2008-06-19 04:10:28 GMT) Post-grading
--------------------------------------------------

Anything that is available in the EPWING format. You can save the files on your computer and search them with a dedicated dictionary soft that accepts multiple dictionaries. Kotonoko on OSX is what I use.

Example sentence(s):
  • [things] are reshaping the way [things are done]
Jean-Christophe Helary
Japan
Local time: 20:01
Native speaker of: French
PRO pts in category: 4
Grading comment
Thanks for comments

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Mika Jarmusz: こんにちは。説明欄の"reshape", "transform"に賛成です。revolutionizeはちょっと気に入らないのですが。
14 hrs
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